so i was thinking about this blog the other day and realized, there is not much substance to it and i am really just journaling and documenting my family life. not sure if i have even one serious "reader" not sure what this blog is even about anymore. i do enjoy writing stuff down and i love the photography but i am going to try and be more thoughtful here, just in case anyone is watching.
the past few years i have been on a roller coaster ride in my ultrasound career. never a day goes by that i don't have someone ask me if i like my job. it is so hard to answer because it is truly a love/hate relationship. i absolutely hate some aspects of it but absolutely love other things. i have been scanning patients for going on 17 years now and had considered myself quite a master at it. there aren't many techs who have been thrown in to the variety of places i have worked at. many many times i have felt i couldn't handle the situation i would find myself in, many times i had to reach down DEEP to stay on task and get the job done. hard patients, terrible schedules, horrific supervisors, condescending doctors, lazy and/or back stabbing bitchy co workers....long days, being on call in the middle of the night, being barfed on and just about any other gross thing you can imagine around sick patients, i have experienced. so here i am thinking i know everything and i apply for yet another per diem job, hoping to earn some extra money to take this fabulous trip to italy i am researching. to my surprise i was plunked down in a situation so demanding and so stressful i had physical symptoms of stress like i had never felt before, ever.
for weeks and weeks i "trained" at this new job experiencing stomach turning stress and the most god awful frighteningly gory patients to scan, the toughest protocols, the pickiest doctors and you know what? it made me a better tech, i learned (and am still learning) a lot! so when the boss at another account i was struggling to hold on to took me in the office after i dared to request a salary adjustment and literally chewed my ass off, i QUIT! believe me, i am no quitter, i actually have a hard time letting things go, i am a hoarder of "stuff" and i tend to hoard my jobs as well, staying per diem everywhere because i am scared to say goodbye to anything. i sat in that room while he told me what a horrible person i am because i don't have a "pep in my step" every day and have a bad attitude and threatened me and growled at me (yes he GROWLED!!) i thought, i don't deserve this? i just proved myself worthy at the most challenging hospital ever and i have never been fired, i have zero complaints from patients and doctors at this place and just because he doesn't like me, i am treated this way? no one deserves to be treated this way. it reminded me of a really out of control parent (guilty) and i didn't like how it felt to be spoken to in this manner, it made me think of my kids and how short i am with them because i work too much and am too tired to really listen to them after a long day of work. i realized that some of what he said was true and i had to be honest and say, this place is toxic, it makes me crazy, i hate the boss' guts and it's not healthy to be in this environment. i will never set foot there again, ever and it feels GREAT! i made a decision for myself and my family and i stood up for myself.
so on this new day off i am spending the day looking at past photos, working on this blog and hitting the gym. i will make lists of things i want to do and things that need to be done and start crossing them off. 2011 is starting to look pretty good.