working too much

anyone who knows me knows i complain and complain about working too much, i even get on my own nerves. i really feel as i get older that i have a very specific amount of energy each day. at work, my patients drain me completely so that as i am driving home, although i am excited to see my girls, literally moments after i pick them up i feel a huge weight of exhaustion pour over me. they are joyful to see me and then it seems a minute later are whining, complaining, yelling and otherwise spazzing out to the max. i hear myself trying to use my "mr. rogers voice" begging and pleading for them to "chill out" and behave. at night we tend to be a bunch of raw nerves, all of us bouncing off eachother. it's funny, i miss them all day but get frazzled so quickly. like i said, i think i just run out of steam after working all day.



but wait, the days i do have off are spent cleaning the house, rushing to complete errands, frantic shopping and hurried crafting. i hear everyone say the same thing, stay at home moms are exhausted, working moms are exhausted. everyone is trying to do everything and then i hear someone say, "oh and then they grow up so fast! you will miss out, you will miss this!" which i know is true, but fuels my insanity even more. it makes me fret that i am not "enjoying" this more or am "worrying" too much about frivolous things. i am sorry, but i know if i am lax for a minute on just the simple chores, this house turns into a health hazzard and i also know the calendar of birthday parties and family/friend/school obligations is a full time job in itself. on a day off i feel better that some things are accomplished, but exhausted all the same.

so what to do?

the only thing i know right now is i really want to be home more and somethings gotta give. the bills will still get paid somehow and i will still be broke most of the time anyways but at least i can work on losing those 20 (might be 30 now???) pounds, cook better food, craft more, plant more, paint more, sew more, even clean more! and for sure spend a lot more time with my little girls who are indeed growing up fast before my eyes!