the joy of ultrasound

yes, these are questions i have been asked by ob patients:

1. can you tell the color of the baby's eyes?

2. can you tell the color of the baby's skin? (the patient is trying to narrow down the list of possible fathers)

3. can you tell me EXACTLY how many weeks pregnant i am because if i am 6 weeks the baby's daddy is "A", if i am 8 weeks the baby's daddy is "B" and if i am 10 weeks the baby's daddy is my husband who is in jail and will not be happy about this pregnancy.

4. tell my husband the baby is a boy no matter what because my husband will not allow me to have another girl.

5. is it ok that the baby is drinking the water? (when told the baby is drinking the amniotic fluid) won't the baby drown????

6. can you tell the doctor i am further along, i dont want to be pregnant anymore (a 19 year old who was SERIOUS!)

7. you are sure there aren't two? (i hear this daily, especially funny after i have done the show and tell and the patient is walking out....oh yeah, DUH! i forgot to tell you there were two...oh, by the way...you are having twins...uh.....oops...forgot to tell ya there are really two babies in there, i just only showed you one because...uh...er...)

8. are you sure it is boy (or girl) after being told a half dozen times. it is much easier to just say i can't see, but i really am trying to be nice! if i say its a boy, show you a penis, point it out, take a picture, say it a couple dozen times........it's not a girl, ok?

9. do i like kids, have kids, want kids on the planet? (people reallly do ask me daily if i LIKE kids...what does that mean? yes, i like kids, my OWN kids)

10. do i LIKE scanning babies all day? yes i like scanning babies, yes i really do...it's the mom ATTACHED to the baby that bugs me. ha ha!!!

oh and one more question i recently got: "can diet pills cause brain damage? i took diet pills for the first six months of my pregnancy to keep my weight down" uh.......are you kidding me??? is this the kind of person who should be having a baby?

oh...one more! i had a 16 year old (yes 16) who came in with her mother(about my age) who had just had her own baby (so this is the grandma...holding her own newborn which is my patients brother). they are both super excited for this new baby and my patient takes down her pants to reveal her "boyfriend"'s name tatooed across her pubic area (yes it was LOW) and this boyfriend finally shows up at the end of the exam, gray haired, at least 35 years old if not older...and everyone is so HAPPY! i am thinking, ok, this 16 year old girl is branded and having a baby with a guy old enough to be her dad and her mom is overjoyed and i just need to get a new career and fast!

let's lighten things up!

a set of twins bonking eachother, this was actually kind of neat...i am sure no one was injured in case anyone is concerned.